Why did God let this happen to me and how could He? Why didn't God stop it from happening? You even asked how could God love someone like me? I should have been more careful, how could I have been so stupid? Surely, this won't happen to me? God I am angry with you! You failed me......why did everyone lie to me.........What I'm I suppose to do now? My family won't talk to me, they are scared they will be infected if I sit at the table with them? Lord I have no one to turn to and I just don't understand? WHY, WHY WHY......ME? WHAT DO I DO NOW!!!!
Then your mind shifts again and your wondering about if the man ever really loved you as he said he did? Did he know that he was HIV positive and why didn't he tell me he was HIV Positive? I trusted him! How long did he know? I am so ashamed. Nobody will ever love me again? I don't want to go through this alone? I might as well die? I was raped, why should I be punished for what He did to me....it was only one date. I thought I was careful and they didn't look like they were infected, because they come from a wealthy family or Ivy league school, Why should I continue to live? I don't want to take this medication for the rest of my life? Who can I talk to about this in confidence? How long do I have to live? How do I live with HIV as a Christian? Will the Church except me? And so on, and so on.....etc?
These are just some of the primary questions that people living with HIV experience once they have received a diagnosis of HIV.
Initially when you first learn of your diagnosis, you are flooded and overwhelmed with questions, doubts, worries, and fears.
You find yourself feeling and thinking you are alone. That there is no one else on this earth going through what you are going through. Trying to grasp all of the medical and clinical genre of language relating to the understanding of test results, CD4 Counts, Viral Load etc.
While this seems overwhelming, it is not the end. You now just have learn to live LIFE differently. This is a NEW BEGINNING in VICTORIOUS WAY.
Second, you are angry with everyone around you because they do not have it, and then you become angry and even bitter with your ownself for allowing it to happen. Our flesh is weak and constantly needs to be brought under control and the only way that this can happen is to know who God is in your life and to walk daily with Him seeking His guidance in ALL things. We have to learn also that we do not belong to ourself as we think we do. We are connected to the Body of Christ. We are accountable and responsible for every choice that we make. There are consequences to our actions that we have to accept.
This is not the time to rely on our emotions because they can push us into the pit of making us bitter on the inside and towards others. This causes a greater bondage to manifest inclusive of self-willed isolatation from people. This opens portals of spiritual warfare in our minds and bodies and is a very deceptive device of the enemy to keep you paralyzed and immobile unable receive your real healing, freedom and peace through JESUS CHRIST. Learn to see yourself though God's eyes.
Third, Prayer is a powerful key in unlocking the situations which have demonic control of our lives to help bring us into reconciliation to God and making available the receipt of HIS help in our lives. Most people will never know that you are HIV Positive unless you tell them, Once you find your confidence in disclosure of your status it is o.k. eventhough many may not agree with you on this, you decide. There are legal laws of counsel that have been set up for to protect you from unnecessary prejudices pretaining to your HIV Status.
Jesus loosed the woman who had been bowed down for 18 years due to an infirmity. She had an infirmity caused by a spirit (a demon of sickness) according to the Amplified Bible. She was bent completely forward and was unable to straighten herself up or to look up. JESUS saw her and would not allow her to remain in that state. Therefore, God will not ALLOW you to remain in that mindset of defeat and discouragement. Listen for His voice for He is calling to you to come to Him and to receive your healing. JESUS is the HEALER, it does not matter what it looks like to others or the doubters. You have been redeemed and set free from the curse of HIV.
JESUS is LIFE. We live and move and have our being in Him. Everyday that we wake up, He gives us brand new mercies and grace. We just have to operate in them and claim them. Learn how to speak to HIV and to put it in it's proper place. It has no power over your life. God is greater than any sickness or disease. YES, YES, YES even HIV.....Claim your VICTORY through CHRIST JESUS of being made WHOLE and HEAL.
As for people believing whether you are a Christian or not, it does not matter what they think. If you have repented for your sins and turned away from your sins, sought His forgiveness and accepted it....then it is settled! He blots out our transgressions from as far as the East is from the West never to remember them again. Only, people will keep reminding you of your past! Let them bring it up.....When they do, tell them it's ok if they want to remain there, but, you don't live there anymore and have now moved forward to what God's plans are for your life.
One of the most crippling lies ever told to people living with HIV is that, God can never save you because you are HIV infected. That is a lie from the pit of Hell. Jesus does not condemn us. He came to save us. Now, what we will received is conviction for our sins, which helps to bring us to correction and that equals protection from the enemy.Conviction gets us back on to the right track and to live our life for Christ and to embrace our salvation. You can never loose your salvation. You may experience the lost of "joy" of your salvation as David did in the Psalm 51. Once He repented God restored back to him the Joy of his salvation and God will do the same for you.
Now you know the "WHY'S" and WHAT TO DO!
NOW YOU JUST HAVE TO "LIVE LIFE ON PURPOSE and VICTORIOUSLY!!!!